You may have heard, Vancouver, Canada has invited the world to come and visit for the 2010 Olympics. To ready ourselves we are cleaning up the streets and brushing up on our manners.
Particularly how we sneeze in both public and private.
Right now with the H1N1 flu circulating like fruit flies over a apple we are being inundated with self help ideas to stop it in it's track. Besides the obligatory amounts of hand washing, and sanitizing we are all doing our limited best to change the way we sneeze.
Not into our hands as we were taught for generations, but into our elbows. This involves some creative maneuverings, and generally leaves us looking like a pretzel covered in snot.
The world is coming to visit, and we must be on our best behaviour, just as if Great Aunt Edna was coming for a surprise visit.
Pity the poor unfortunate who standing in line, fails to properly contort himself into a yoga pose, and opts instead to spray all of those around him with his "highly contagious" vaporized phlegm.
Besides immediately being forced to vacate his place in the line due to the sudden shuffling of bodies far and away from him, he is likely to be escorted out the door by security.
If that isn't enough to change his habits, then the affronted looks, and clicking tongues, should persuade him to grab that elbow and stuff his face into it the next time he even feels the slightest urge to sneeze.
The world is coming to visit, and we must be on our best behaviour, so pass the next elbow please.
The world is coming to visit, and we must be on our best behaviour, just as if Great Aunt Edna was coming for a surprise visit.
Pity the poor unfortunate who standing in line, fails to properly contort himself into a yoga pose, and opts instead to spray all of those around him with his "highly contagious" vaporized phlegm.
Besides immediately being forced to vacate his place in the line due to the sudden shuffling of bodies far and away from him, he is likely to be escorted out the door by security.
If that isn't enough to change his habits, then the affronted looks, and clicking tongues, should persuade him to grab that elbow and stuff his face into it the next time he even feels the slightest urge to sneeze.
The world is coming to visit, and we must be on our best behaviour, so pass the next elbow please.
I adore your humorous, tongue in cheek commentary immensely Jen. I overheard a woman the other day at the library complaining on how a man that must have been 103 had sneezed.... all as a seque following a dreaded H1N1 hysteria observation...and my response was, 'I'll wait and see if you can even sneeze at 103 and will then offer a free critique! Damned irreverent tongue in my head!
ReplyDeleteThis was a real HOOT to read Jen .. you can't go anywhere, read anything, SEE anything without the constant reminders of how to behave and what to do .. that is why I stay home out of reach to this ridiculous over cooked TURKEY ?? LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm still laughing over your "rant" wink wink
Joy : )
What a cute post Jen. What's really fun is when you get the elbow up and ready & then FAIL to sneeze. People think you are NUTS!
ReplyDeleteI love the birdhouse photo especially.
Oh my that was funny...loved the snot covered pretzel line! I hope you all have fun getting ready for company, I don't envy you one bit!
ReplyDeleteStay well and pass the elbow please, lol! Kim
Very clever post, Jen. I giggled all the way though it.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a journalist. Maybe you could take Andy Rooney's place? I'm SURE you are better looking.
~a
This is just one of many contortions we, as a city, have been going through in the past year, as you know. One word: Construction.
ReplyDeleteAh, Jen you just made my morning. What a fun posting. They have been telling us here in the states that too. Hey, I am older my elbow and nose just do not bend enough to reach each other. I would end up snotting on my upper lip or chin instead so I am sticking with the hand and hankie rule.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a rolling on the floor smiley face, it would be here. I so relate. Thanks for such a light look at our over reacting populations. I have wondered do we need to go in and sanitize our elbows?
ReplyDeleteGreat look at life. Thanks.
Thanks. Now I can't eat pretzels again. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteIf only we could keep them all from picking their noses.
Sometimes those sneezing people look like birds..and for what an elbow full of germs..versus a hand full..the next thing they will want us to do is sneeze into our knees..can you imagine that:)
ReplyDeleteJen, We're snotting up our elbows over here in Toronto, too. And you all know that no one wants to visit Toronto.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me smile! loved it
ReplyDeleteWhat an adorable birdhouse photo! And quite frankly, I'm having difficulty remembering to sneeze into my elbow!! I have been cleaning my hands with antibacterial hand cleanser everytime I sneeze into them. Will that suffice? LOL
ReplyDeleteJen, when I was in Shanghai, China in 1991, they had a fine for spitting in public places. Spitting, sneezing... both start with S... Be ready!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! And sneezing into your elbow is the ONLY way to sneeze! All kids from 1 upwards are taught to sneeze like this. The whole point is that you sneeze into clothes that can then be washed, rather than into hands that then touch a billion other things and can then spread flu and sicknesses a lot faster.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Swedish way of sneezing! ;-) (By the way, we cough into our elbows too over here...)
This is so funny, we aren't hosting anything special but, are getting the same advice..now the Dr.s are saying to pull the neck of your shirt over your nose and mouth to sneeze....
ReplyDeleteI think my comment got gobbled up ... so again I'll try since I loved this post :) Thanks Jen for the sound/humorous advice ... pretzel elbow hankies are in vogue though hard to keep clean.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if your goal was to be funny but it was, thanks I needed the chuckle. I'm sure glad I don't live anywhere near the O Zone.
ReplyDelete