I saw this on the internet, fell in love with it, and have saved it for ages. It is written by Jilly Bean, who in my opinion is absolutely brilliant, and is probably a cat herself. Any higher praise couldn’t come from me. Thank you Jilly Bean, we love this.
Dear Cat’s and Dogs:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine, and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom in not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster then you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know the sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also I have been using the bathroom for years, your attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Remember dogs and cats are better then kids because they:
don’t ask for money all the time
are easier to train
normally come when called
never ask to drive the car
don’t want to wear your clothes
don’t smoke or drink
don’t have to buy the latest fashions
if they get pregnant, you can sell their children..
Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams