I have always said the ocean has part of
my heart, it always will. Born by the ocean
grew up by the ocean, the waters lapping
the sandy beach watched as I learned to
walk. The raging waves soothed my soul
on days when I was a little turbulent myself.
The tang of the salt air, the cries of the gulls.
My heart, half of my heart
belongs to the ocean
but the larger half belongs
up here.
Those are sounds and scents I will never let leave my heart. But is it possible to love something, and still be homesick when you live where your heart has decided is your home?
This is our home, it’s always felt like we were wrenching ourselves away when we left here to go back to the coast. Our hearts have decided this is where we shall live, and I am at peace with this, it’s what we want. But part of me is still standing on the West Coast, beside the waves as they crash through the driftwood.
How can I give my heart to two homes? Can a person live loving two places, this is home but the ocean still has half of my heart.
The North Okanagan is where we have chosen to live, it’s our home, it’s our desire to live here, but the ocean has the other half of my heart, and I don’t want it to give it up.
I do not long for the rain, the crowds, the pollution, just the ocean, all by myself, the breeze laden with salt blowing my hair into tangles…the gulls keening overhead. My camera in my hand, the clouds moody, the sand damp with foam. It’s no wonder the ocean has half of my heart.
The other half, the larger half belongs up here, with the farmland, the mountains, the crystal clear streams, the rivers raging, the fields of golden ripening wheat. The eagles, the crows the wildlife that we see on a daily basis that have replaced the crowds.
And I don’t know if the ocean will ever give back it’s half of my heart, or if I want it to do so.
Do you long to live in two places, is your heart in pieces? Or are you living where your heart has decided it should be?
Listening to the waves in my heart…..Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams
thankfully you can always visit, it stays where it is, thats a comforting thought, you can always go back.
ReplyDeleteI do feel that way, all the time.
I still dream of our first house that we moved into in 1979 and left in 1991, but I loved the next home where we lived for 18 years. I dream of it too. It took years for the second house to become home and now I am struggling to make this house where we have been for 3 years home. As a single girl I moved 75 miles away to teach school, but I have never really left the Front Range, I can still see the mountains. Today my childhood roaming grounds are all developed into suburbia, so going home just isn't the same. This last move we only moved from one end of a very small town to the other end. From a city lot to 5 acres. From house with 4 levels to a house one level with a basement. From gardens that I could control to gardens that are getting the best of me. Yet as long as I have my husband and my children near, I will be happy. Your heart can be divided and, of course, you can go back to beach, the waves, to the sand and the salt, and the gulls and then you can return home again.
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful photos. I love the ocean and when we arrive there I always just feel this re-energizing.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous photos, Jen! I was always the happiest by the water. I lived in the west end for a few years, loved it, moved inland for 17 years and missed my water view. We could no longer afford to live in Vancouver, we still wanted to be near the water and live a simpler life. We have the best of both worlds with the water and mountain views. For years I was homesick for Montreal, where I am from, not anymore. You are in a transition stage. Your heart will always be near the ocean, you can always go back for a visit.
ReplyDeleteHi Jen! I've always thought that you can't deny what the heart is feeling, so of course it's possible for you to have your heart in two places that you love and are part of you.
ReplyDeleteI am torn between two places as well.. The north where I grew up an the south where we moved to ten years ago.. I think you should always keep the ocean in your heart. it's part of you and always will be
ReplyDeleteRobyn :)
Oh my! I love so many places that I've traveled to over the years. I LONG to be at the sea...even though I live in Florida, I don't live on the coast. Of course I love the mountains of NC and get excited every time we travel back and see that first sight of the mountains. But I love Texas, too. And I can't wait to travel out West to NM and CO. I better stop here. My heart belongs to so many places. I thought that was natural!
ReplyDeleteYour word paintings rival your amazing photography, Jen.... I would consider you blessed that you know exactly where the pieces of your heart lie....I fear pieces of mine are scattered far and wide....on the rolling plains of La Mancha, the intoxicating flower-filled streets of countless towns in Andalucia, a nameless mountain village in the Alps....and in places I've only visited in my dreams. The curse is that I may never find the home "where my heart belongs;" the blessing is that a part of my heart can feel at home in many places....Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous and heartfelt post and one I can so relate to. The lakes, the rivers...they can all be beautiful and serene places but none as special as being by the ocean.
ReplyDeleteI'm back to blogging today.
Happy Week Jen, G
www.takeahappybreak.com
I love this post, both photos and poetry. I have always loved the ocean. All of my childhood vacations were at the seashore, and many of my happiest memories are there.
ReplyDeleteWhile we lived in Switzerland, my heart remained between Table Mountain and the sea at Camps Bay. Now there isn't a 'back' to go to. The house is sold and renovated to a McMansion over my garden, my childhood home also sold. Five years in this house, and I'm still learning to call it home. Now I'm older, everything feels transitory. I miss the same old same old ...
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. I know what you mean. Like several of the others, I feel like parts of my heart are in different places. I feel totally at home where I am now in Wisconsin, but parts of my heart are in Colorado, sections of Ontario, and Tuscany. And I have a new love--New Orleans. Still these are places I visit. My roots are in the heart of the Midwest. Thank you for this thought-provoking post.
ReplyDeleteMy heart lies in Oregon. My life started here and here is where I hope I can continue to live.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.. I love the ocean also, but have been at its shores so seldom. Your heart can be in two places, and have two loves of where you belong!
ReplyDeleteIn a perfect world we could live half our lives by the ocean and half where home is.
ReplyDeleteI have lived in and near the central part of the province for 37 years and I still miss my hometown even though it has changed and grown so much since I left. It's not really the same hometown but in my heart it is. There's a feeling, a certain longing, for life as it was and I guess that is partly due to my age and time fleeting by. I understand your longing.
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely things I miss about the coast - not the least of which are the marinas and the ocean, especially at Steveston. Mostly, and this is probably very telling about me, I miss all the great restaurants. *grin*
ReplyDeleteI know of what you speak. I have the same tug of war with Hawai'i. I lived on the island of O'ahu for almost 4 months when I was fresh out of high school. It was the first time I lived away from home. It became a second "home". I tell people that when I went to Hawai'i I took a piece of it back home with me but a piece of me was left there on the island. The two pieces call to each other all the time. And, like you, I know that where I am is home but a piece of my heart still aches for that other "home".
ReplyDeleteCindy at Rosehaven Cottage
I love the ocean too and would live there if possible. Unfortunately I live in Minnesota..I am okay with that..It is comfortable here. I need to visit the ocean soon..it has been about 8 years since I have seen the Pacific..it is so wild compared to the Atlantic or the Gulf of Mexico. I love the thundering waves:)
ReplyDeleteNalley Valley has my heart still. We thought that was our forever home but our health made it impossible to keep up the home/yard. We miss the flowers that were hand-picked by my mom and me. John misses his fireplace by the creek in Autumn. We are happy and feel very blessed to live in our current home but we do miss the old place.
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