When I was growing up we used to
have large family gatherings
friends, and family for Sunday
dinners almost every weekend.
All the good china, and
the silver came out, and none of
it could go into the dishwasher.
DID YOU HAVE BIG FAMILY DINNERS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG?
And did you enjoy them?
When I was young it was great, we
were kids and anything different from
the norm was exciting, and we didn’t seem to
mind all the dishwashing. We were making a
family memory.
But as I grew into a teenager seeking personal solitude, and privacy those dinners became torturous. Nosy guests commenting on my height, my lack of curves, did I have a boyfriend, [what did they think, first they tell me I’m too tall, then too skinny, LOL.] The prying questions in what felt like such a public setting, groups of adults all peering at me, was not what this shy, sensitive girl needed. They were making a memory, and it wasn’t good, not to mention all the dirty dishes.
I started to detest those dinners, and was more then glad to have them behind me once I reached a adult age, and moved out, it was to be my choice if I attended or not.
After my family moved up country and I was all alone on the coast, the family dinners were few and far between. For years I longed to have impromptu family dinners, I missed them. As part of a married couple we had lots of dinner parties with friends, but it was the family ones that I missed the most. Odd how you can miss something that you didn’t like but I did.
Now that we are all up here together in the North Okanagan we are trying to create the good parts of those dinners, nostalgic haze glossing the bad memories into a burnished glow. No more awkward questions, no more good china, and heirloom silver, just good food, good memories, and not too many dishes.
We are making a family memory, one that everyone can enjoy.
Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams
Good thinking. It's astonishing how much work (as well as embarrassment) people used to arrange for themselves. Much nicer to be relaxed.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear those family dinners are re-visited but in a more relaxed setting. Enjoy making memories. Its a beautiful thing when people and/or families are kind to one another.
ReplyDeletewe had the same dinners, over the years things have become far less formal just like yours, I think you are doing things just right, tall and skinny ,, mmmm, sounds very fashionable to me, skinny is something no one will ever or have ever called me, not fat either, but curves are something I have a bit too much of, ha ha, all bum and boobies as my great aunt Hazel always told me!!!being tall and slender is a dream of mine, but I understand completely how relatives can be found very trying for teenagers,
ReplyDeleteYou express so well in this post the transitioning of feelings we share as we grow from genuine comfort around relatives to awkward self-awareness to self-acceptance, when perspectives change yet again, and we regain the best of our roots. Ah, the circle of family life … sometimes it gets larger but sometimes it gets smaller by the time we learn to appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI think that is wonderful you get a second chance Jen .. but if things get to be uncomfortable, never put yourself through that type of garbage that will strike as not so great memories .. I did learn that lesson over and over again.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that .. I wish you all the best with the dinners : )
Joy
And now you can be the one to make positive comments to any teens who are under the microscope at these dinners.
ReplyDeleteThey can then think back how Auntie Jen was always so kind at these dinners but boy she was a tall one wasn't she!!!
Some of my best childhood memories were those family dinners that my grandmother had. There were 8 cousins and still today I am best friends with the one. I am now the self appointed keeper of the torch, but I have little family and my siblings are far away. So we gather with my husband's family, rarely. And you are correct, it's just not the same with even good friends. Today we are so more casual, but what really matters is that we gather making memories especially for the younger children so that they have that touchstone with their heritage.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly. Are you my twin? Weird! What I just read of your post was similar to déjà'vu.
ReplyDeleteOh, I love big family get-togethers - probably because we didn't and don't have them that often.
ReplyDeleteI remember the family dinners. We didn't bother with good dishes or silver. I miss them because so many relatives are deceased and life was a lot slower.
ReplyDeleteI like how you describe putting the not-so-good memories in the past with a hazy burnished glow on them so you can move forward making new memories. Poetic and very wise. It's very similar to what my family has attempted to do. We're still working at it but good memories are coming out of the attempts.
ReplyDeleteCindy
Sometimes it can be difficult, awkward and uncomfortable but there's nothing like family in the end. I love our family dinners - lots of food, lots of people, lots of noise, sometimes too much wine and sometimes a little hurt feelings but in the end a lot of love and a lot of good memories. Enjoy your family while you have them all close. J
ReplyDeleteSuch lovely thoughts of those family dinners...I loved them too as a child and miss them now...my family is thousands of miles away and I see them once a year :(
ReplyDeleteFor us those family dinners began with my parents as the older generation. Now only my mother survives and many of the grandchildren have emigrated. So the family dinners have shrunk.
ReplyDeleteI cherish every meal with my family. We don't all get together too often anymore. It's a shame really.
ReplyDeleteI miss family dinners so much. It is true, you don't know what you've got till its gone. In spite of bickering, minor annoyances...it's never the same without having family close by. Lovely post Jen, I'm tearing up a bit here...
ReplyDeleteIt was a rare dinner that didn't end in an argument between my parents. Even as an adult when I visited and shared a meal, it would devolve into bickering and fighting. It's no wonder that our family didn't entertain much over meals, so I get anxious whenever we have company over for dinner and can only handle one couple at a time. Good for you for starting your own tradition, with your own set of values. Bon appetite!
ReplyDeleteI hated them, I always got stuck with the dishes..it took all day too..I had better things to do. I still detest them..but I go..and still am doing the dishes...I rarely have big dinners at my house..the last time I had 32 people..I am still recovering:)
ReplyDelete